i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Randomize
