...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
