I'm laying in your front yard are you home
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Just pee around me
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Randomize
