I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
