God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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