69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Randomize
