Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
