I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
