Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
She's the barista slut.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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