In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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