I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Randomize
