I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
