I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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