Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
