windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Randomize
