I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
