i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
