She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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