I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
