ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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