I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
