Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
love makes seman taste better
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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