I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
You're like the curious george of whores
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
