I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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