Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
