Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
