Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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