yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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