i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
