She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
