and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Randomize
