Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
