drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
