just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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