shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Randomize
