had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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