Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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