awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
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