Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
