I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
