is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize