been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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