HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
My day in three words: secret purse cake
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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