Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Randomize
