): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
