spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
