Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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