I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
