His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
ttyl tear gas
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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