What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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