She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Send help, water and tortillas.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
