it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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