he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
